It’s time to move on, you and I both, we know it. It’ll be easy after this phase of hurt and pain is over, no matter what that can or will happen, we’re making it through together, and that’s all that matters.
For now I’ll be content to know that your love for me hasn’t wavered. Not yet, but it should soon. I’m finding there are plenty of new people here, how’re you holding up on the other side of the world? I’m sure they’ll be fighting for you. Don’t give up. I love you
Let’s be perfectly honest here. Not a single soul deserves to know anything about you that you didn’t allow them to know. What they can know will be anything that you’ve already sent out to someone, a part of you that you’ve already given away; if it still remains a part of you - something that you told no one - then definitely so, it will remain that way. Whatever that they will ever know will be all of which that they’ve dug up, little fragments of yourself that (even maybe without you noticing) you’ve let go-when you’re walking, when you’re sitting at a cafe drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book, being tired and not wanting to give up your seat to that poor old woman who’s just as tired as you are, or maybe more so- I am a complicated being just as you are, but what I choose to keep for myself and what I choose to give away, are all but different.
This is who I am. Whether or not you will have a positive or negative reaction to my presence, or even my being; I will not change who I simply am or who I want to be if I feel that it is right for me. No, I won’t change for anyone that should tell me to do so otherwise, because that will be disrespecting the very essence of the person that I am. I do not find need for people such as these to become people that would ever (even on a minor level) to be affecters or influencers in my life. They should not even be scratching the surface. Of course I am talking about the general scale of friendship and not when you ignore the fact that I might be doing something wrong but still not tell me to change. That is another matter altogether.
I like all things literal, anything that involves words, or mannerisms, or behavior, or observations, or analytical skills, or preferences. I also like animals and a subjective field of music. In addition there are also many other things that I like: a decent level of respect, a healthy dose of self-pride, a certain capability of perseverance (not ranging on stubbornness most definitely), a limited threshold of withstanding nonsense, and of course, the balance between knowing your limits and a fair share of intelligence, and not forgetting of course, a whole legion of emotional soldiers.
Prove me otherwise that traveling by myself would take a whole lot of explanation than this
Funny how when you want to talk about something to people and they just continue talking about other things. Funny how when you don’t want to talk people want you to talk or at least expect of you to say something with regards to absolutely nothing.
Also funny how it is when the people that say they’ll listen end up having nothing to listen to because you’re too tired to say the things you most wanted to?
The funniest is when the words are at the tip of your tongue but you can’t bring yourself to say any of them because you just can’t
So tired that you just want to scream forget it and crumble into little pieces at a sacred corner of a dark room. It’s painful writing all these you know? It’s just painful to dig out feelings you want to hide, whether or not they would’ve already given you enough reason to let themselves be found
My heart hurts okay? I just need to talk to anyone. Somebody, anybody. Feeling like a lost lion cub now with no cave to hide in, no Mufasa to protect me and sure as hell can’t find Nala anywhere near at all. Always getting myself stuck in a mud pit or quicksand and slowly sinking and sinking and sinking away until I disappear or make no more noises which is when everyone finds out that I died
I’m tired alright? I’m way beyond tired and also way beyond caring. I don’t want to put in any effort to be in any new relationship with anyone but at the same time I miss Sophie so much that to an enormous extent, I am lonely.
Which is why I know that I will not really be loving anyone now even if I should initiate/accept anything, simply because I am feeling lonely because she is not around. It’s not that you’re not good and it’s not that you’re not a person worth liking, it’s just that they’re all for the wrong reasons.
Do you understand? I can’t give my heart away again because it isn’t returned to me. Not yet. Like I said, I don’t love you now does not equate to I’ll never love you ever. I need a whole lot more of time, and a whole lot more of thinking to do. Besides if I ever am going to react, it’s going to be a tougher time for me too. I have to be the one taking care of someone instead of having someone take care of me. I can’t have that now, I’m emotionally and physically drained, I don’t have the strength to take care of anyone.
If you can’t wait, don’t. If you will, then I am grateful but my honest opinion is to say no, don’t wait, don’t wait for anything. The girl worth having waits for nothing, she waits for no one and she doesn’t hover long enough on anyone who is hesitant or unwilling enough. Take pride in your dignity again, I would’ve liked you better if you regained your feisty sharp wit. I wouldn’t mind if I really liked you enough, I would let you tear me down with your words, I would let you say anything you want and not get angry, I would do anything to make you happy. But I’m not ready.
Someday you’re going to steal my heart. But not now, not today. Just not today.